The Habit I Didn't Know I Had
Just over 20 years ago, when I was immersed in the rigorous 4-year Feldenkrais Practitioner training program, I realized something profound. That's what the awareness work at the heart of the Feldenkrais Method does — it makes you notice things about yourself that you didn't know were there.
I had a habit of frowning. At the time, I wasn't grumpy or sad, or any of the other things that a frown might signify. I simply had a habit of holding the corners of my mouth down. I was shocked to discover this. And wondered immediately if I was secretly unhappy in ways that I wasn't allowing myself to notice.
(It was true that I had an unhappy adolescence — I had developed my sense of self at a time when my mother, sister, and I fled an abusive home, I was living with depression, and really struggling in a way that was invisible to those around me. But I was no longer this person.)
I really sat with it for a long time. It turns out, that no — I felt good. And yet, this habit of frowning held a world of nuance with how I interacted with the world up until then. I was afraid to show joy, smile with my teeth showing, look "unserious."
I also learned that while each emotion has a physical signature, we can use these physical signatures to create emotional shifts. You may know the Smiling Buddha practice: Holding a gentle, serene smile signals the brain to release neurotransmitters like dopamine (which boosts mood), serotonin (which lowers stress), and endorphins (which act as natural painkillers). So what was my habit of frowning doing to my inner world? (Never mind what it was communicating to those around me.)
So I started working to change that physical habit — consciously softening the muscles of my face whenever I noticed my mouth turning down. And I honestly felt different — my outlook became more positive, I started expecting good things to come my way.
During that time, in my early to mid-20s, I also changed a LOT about my life. This somatic deep-dive journey I was on helped me evolve and connect with my sexuality, drop nearly 80 lbs, and move to a city that was aligned with my progressive values - where I eventually met and married my wife, and where we are now raising our 2 children.
But I want to talk about that moment in between — not the big, massive changes that were obvious to everyone else. But that moment I realized I frowned out of habit. You see, I was no longer someone who was unhappy. But my body, and really, my neuro-biology, hadn't caught up to that reality just yet. My self-image included this physical pattern of frowning. It had become part of how I knew I was me. Just like the way we walk. And despite the fact that I was no longer that unhappy person, my self-image (the literal map of how I know I'm me) needed to change. And I needed that process to feel safe.
Your self-image isn't self-esteem. It's not a thought you have about yourself. It is a neurological map of how you recognize what is “me” and what is “not me”. It's an important part of how your nervous system scans for what is safe. Is it familiar (aka "me"?) then it's known and therefore safe. Is it unfamiliar (aka not "me"?) then it's unsafe and the body and mind brace against it. The self-image lives in the sensorimotor system as much as it lives in your mindset, your ways of thinking.
If we want to change — if we want to evolve into a new version of ourselves — then we MUST update the body map. A lot of mindset work, and even identity work, centers around changing your thinking. But if you don't change the BODY, if your physical self is stuck in the same old patterns, babe — you're going to always return to where you've been instead of moving into where you want to go. Yes, we need to regulate the nervous system. Yes, we need to make it safe to become a new version of ourselves, but we cannot leave the body behind.
On a cellular level, we are energy. Our very atoms are made up of positively, negatively, or neutrally charged particles. Of energy that is moving slowly enough that it becomes dense - it becomes matter. But 99.999% of us is pure energy. We are very little physical matter. In between the small fraction of us that is matter - is energy. We like to think that the body, mind, spirit, energy fields are all separate from one another. But in truth, the physical and the energetic are actually the same thing. Descartes first spoke of the mind and body and spirit being separate entities. But what if he was wrong? What if our bodies are the fruiting body of a much larger energetic system? (we can have a whoooole conversation about mycelium and mushrooms some time. Just woah.)
The missing piece isn't your mindset. It is your felt experience — it's the body map that you move through the world following, and the body registering something is safe enough to integrate into the map of who you are — into your self-image. The body isn't just a tool for regulating your mood and then living from the neck up. The body IS THE THING that we get to work with in order to change everything about our lives.
You don't have to know the entire map to start your journey. You are an ever-evolving being that is not the same today as you were yesterday. You are never exactly the same person twice, despite the habitual patterns we all have running the show. You just need a willingness to begin.
That's what this work is all about. Not giving you the answers, but helping to create the conditions in which you can begin to access your own innate wisdom and follow the path that only you can take. Your nervous system is as unique to you as your fingerprint. No teacher or practitioner in the world can tell you exactly how it's going to play out for you. But I promise you, we can help you develop the skills to forge your path with confidence, ease, and more self-trust than you knew you were capable of.